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LOOKZ ZAT OUR TIM IS KAMING
The European Commission on the European Unification (EU) just announced
an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU
rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the
negotiations, Her Majesty's government conceded that English spelling
had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phase-in
plan
that would be known as "EuroEnglish."
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c." Sertainly,
this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be
dropped in favor of the "k." This should klear up konfusion and
keyboards kan have less letters.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f." This will
make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan
be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters,
which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre
that the horible mes of the silent "e"'s in the language is
disgrasful, and they should go away.
By the 4th year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as
replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v."
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from
vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to Ozer
kombinazuns of leters.
After ze fifz yer, ve vil hav a veri sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu
unerstan ech ozer.
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